In A Valley

It's past 1:00 a.m. and I can't sleep. Probably because I drank 3 cups of coffee to help me stay up and finish school work for my Master's that was due at 11:59 p.m. I finished with 20 minutes to spare. I know what you are thinking. She's not a procrastinator at all! Ha! Now, I can't turn my brain off and I was in bed and for some reason wanted to blog. I haven't blogged in a while so it was a really random thought to have to say the least. This was just on my heart and mind so I thought I would share. This entry is going to be raw and real.  My prayer is that if you have been in a valley, for whatever reason, that you find hope and know that the valley is not where you are meant to stay. 

This post is titled In A Valley because I have been in the valley for a while now. My walk with the Lord has been little to none this past year. I don't remember how or when I decided I thought I could do this thing called life on my own, but it happened slowly and one day I realized that I was in a valley. The consequences of my disobedience have left me self-centered, depressed, angry, self loathing, arrogant, the list goes on. Along the way, I lost the sense of who I was, am, and what I stood for. I conformed to what I thought I had to be or should be in order for people to like me. Everything I wanted and prayed for was just left out to dry while I thought I could handle it all on my own. I haven't gone to church consistently in a year. Typing that makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed. I say and do things that I shouldn't. I think things that I shouldn't. I began feeling alone and isolated and that's when I realized I was in a valley. The only one that put me there was myself. This past year two close family members were diagnosed with cancer, relationships/friendships didn't work out, work is overwhelming, and honestly life is just stressful. I have been feeling guilty and ashamed because I have been trying to carry all these burdens by myself. Tonight, as I was in my bed, mind racing (because I had too many cups of coffee) I had the realization that I was in a valley and that I had been there too long. I asked God to forgive me and asked him to take these burdens I have been carrying. That is when I had the urge to blog. Because I know that many people have times where they feel like they are in a valley. And if my words can encourage you to buckle down and face the valley with confidence, then I am thankful that I had the urge to share my thoughts.

you are reading this, you too, might feel like you are in a valley at this moment. It doesn't matter how you got there or why. What matters is that there is beauty in being in a valley. It is in these valleys where we realize that the only way out is through and by Jesus' strength. One thing all valleys have in common is the realization that we should be dependent on Jesus. Not a spouse, friendship, relationIfship, job promotion, etc. We should totally depend on Jesus for all and in all circumstances. He also uses these times to teach and heal us. I truly believe that. Every valley is different and with every valley comes a new lesson to be learned. This is also when we get to come face to face with His grace. He allows us to drift and have struggles because he has given us free will, but he waits patiently for us to return and when we do, he loves, heals, and accepts us where we are. That is grace. That is love. That is dependable. That is real.  I have cried until my eyes have been swollen this past year. I have been angry, hurt, confused, lonely, jealous, and self-seeking. I tried to carry all of these and figure things out on my own which left me in a deep, dark valley. The good news is, slowly but surely, I am coming out of the valley and trying to seek Jesus for guidance and understanding daily. I am going to mess up, a lot. I will have many more valleys to face. Good news is, there is healing in every valley.


If you took a few minutes out of your time to read this, thank you! I pray that you found encouragement by reading my words. If you are currently in a valley, know that you are not alone and that you won't be there forever! 

2/25/19

WOWWW. I haven't blogged in over a year. In fact, it's been so long since I logged into this account that I had to reset my username and update all of that before it let me log back in. So, y'all wanna know what is a total God thing?? The words I typed above this were a draft that I never submitted or made public over a year ago. It was titled In The Valley and I mean my mouth dropped. Right now, this very moment, I have been in a valley. Life has hit hard and it is beautiful but it's hit me in the face. Let me explain....

I started dating this incredible man, Preston. Our love story is for another post, but God allowed him to come back into my life. Thank you, Lord. We had been dating a year or a little over and I got pregnant. We got married and had a baby a little over a month later. Tucker Lynn Clark entered our lives, January 24, 2019. In the hospital, we found out that Tucker has a heart defect that can thankfully be fixed with surgery. Praise you, Jesus! With the anxiety and hormonal changes giving birth and becoming a new mommy bring, PLUS, the anxiety and worry that my baby has to have heart surgery, I was/ still am a complete BASKET case. Do you hear me??? So, yes, I feel in the valley. I was reminded that I am not in control. The Lord is teaching and building my faith. You see, I carry burdens....fear, anxiety, worry, self-control, doubt, etc.  But in Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus tells us to, " Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For MY yoke is easy and MY burden is light." He wants us to give our burdens to him. It is a day to day surrender. BUT Jesus takes our burdens. He wants us to come to him when we are weary and burdened. He also wants us to come to him with praise 1 Chronicles 16:23-24, "Sing to the LORD, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare the glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

Through writing and blogging, it helps me to get my thoughts and feelings out, in a sense. I pray that my words are encouraging to you. I pray that God gets the glory for it all. He uses people in different ways and if my story and words can help encourage someone and teach them about the greatest God of all and His love, then I am happy to write down these thoughts and share them with you.


Stay salty,
Annie